Masaya Hashiro is still wondering what went wrong after an unexpected bout of flatulence robbed him of the hero's life he had always dreamed of.

“I was right there,” he says, recalling the sudden swell of energy he felt after making an unusually large donation at his local shrine.

“It was textbook spirit possession. That thing was powerful too. Definitely like a Nine-Tails or Susanoo-level type of deal.” he continues. “I could see the whole arc of my life unfolding: an antagonistic relationship at first, slowly building trust through shared battles, eventually reaching mutual respect and unlocking our combined ultimate form.”

But that traditional hero’s journey was not to be, as an unexpectedly virulent fart soon dislodged the spirit from Hashiro's core. “All that potential, gone in an instant...” he says, “it just came right out of my ass and out the window. Well... a little bit got in my mouth, too..."

Hashiro points to the four discount tuna mayo onigiris he had eaten prior to visiting the shrine, as the likely culprits. "These things will get your motor running, no question".

As for what the future holds, Hashiro is still uncertain. “I need to pivot, somehow." Most recently, he's been attempting to reach supernatural empowerment through a carefully choreographed incident in what he describes as “a more American-based approach.”

"I'm going up north next week to spend time in the wilderness, alone and naked. Worst case scenario, something radioactive bites me and I become the Japanese Spiderman."

Whether he re-emerges with powers—or at all—is anyone's guess.