Sources within Ubisoft reported on Monday that the company has reached out to popular streamer Asmongold to serve as the face of the next Assassin’s Creed installment. The company reportedly plans to pivot quickly away from Assassin’s Creed: Shadows, as sales are expected to disappoint.

A source noted, “I’m pretty sure the only thing getting assassinated this March will be our share price.” As of last week, Ubisoft’s stock was hovering around $2.50—an all-time low. The source added, “That’s about the cost of a roll of toilet paper—not to invite comparison or anything.”

Despite the bleak outlook, executives see this as an opportunity to reset and reconnect with their core audience. “We have to give the people what they want, and that’s relatable white dudes in cool ethnic costumes,” an executive explained.

Creative Director Garret Bloom elaborated, “We settled on Asmongold pretty quickly. He has massive appeal across demographics. He’s eloquent, smart and perceptive, yet isn't afraid to go full retard on a variety of subjects. This resonates with everyone from PhDs to high school dropouts.” Bloom continued, “He’s straight and cisgender, but he also challenges conventional notions of masculinity in fundamental ways, which works well with the LGBTQ crowd." Bloom further remarked, “Same with income segments. He's making bank but lives like Anne Frank . The guy is the total package!"

When asked why the African savanna was chosen as the setting for the next game, Bloom responded, “Ninety percent of our senior developers have been laid off, so we had to choose a setting that aligned with the technical skills of our remaining team. It was either that or Antarctica.” Asmongold hasn't yet officially committed to the project, but discussions are ongoing. We’re hopeful he’ll say ‘yes.’ He’s even invited us to his treehouse next week, so we know he’s ready for a serious conversation,” Bloom concluded.